Saturday, May 30, 2009

insomnia, love, and crystals

You can just tell when a night of insomnia is upon you. It's 2am an you've watched all the syndicated repeats you can possibly stand, and still sleep doesn't come.

I get out of bed, groggy from a nightime medicine I take, but not groggy enough... just enough to stumble over to the computer to see if there are any other life forms out there at this hour.
No, there are not.

I miss 2am notes from a lover who is no longer around. Miss the constant banter back and forth, the tones of "you've got mail" over and over again.
Now the mail is silent, except for one or two old beaus who still reach out, wanting to know if we can get together. And still, I don't have it in my heart to be with anyone else. It has been three years, and I can't bring myself to consider a new acquaintence, or even an old one. Makes me wonder how long it takes for this kind of love to go away... that something that continues to hold me back, as if it were still part of my life. Talk about lack of closure.
I wait for an email that says Forgive me, I know I was wrong, I should have never stayed away so long. The email doesn't come, but still I expect it; each day I expect it.

How does one close the heart, and move on?

I learned many years ago to wear a crystal around my neck, to cover my heart center, to keep it protected. It has been a long time since employing that knowledge, and I'm thinking it may well be time to do that again. These are simple actions, and they help me to remember.

Tomorrow I will look for the right crystal to protect my heart; surely there is one around here somewhere. Perhaps I'll look now.

Here's one that has been around for quite sometime. My father used to carry it with him. Time for it to be cleaned and programmed, and prepared for me.


  1. whoa! i've come to visit from yoon see's blog and i did not expect to crash into my own sorry feelings right here and now.

    it seems we're kindred souls and all i can say is we'll both make it through.


  2. Hi Barbara,

    In my own way, I understood how you felt. The only thing I could say is Time and Patience. All things in life, including healing of our hearts come down to that. Hope this helps and take it easy ... :)

  3. Hi! Barbara,
    I do understand how your position as I have gone through before. Let not your bondage to hold you back, let stay focus on something forward that can give you hope to move on.

    By doing so, time and patience will lead you to overcome all things.

    Cheers and have a lovely weekend.

  4. I think that using the crystal will help.

  5. Ohhh, Barbara, I know you are hurting, but remember your value as a wonderful soul who means so much to so many. We are here from you and sending out strength to you. Find your own way to let go. Perhaps part of that way is in opening up to another?

  6. i love your blog! i'm excited to come back and linger! really!


  7. Thank you all for your lovely comments.

  8. If you only knew how much I can relate to this post. I carry my crystal daily- annointed with dragon's blood oil for extra help- and yet, it still goes on- year after year. If you ever come to the secret of letting that kind of love go- make sure you share the answer. I'd be very interested in knowing.
    Bright Blessings.

  9. The fact is, if you close your heart to that sort of feeling, you close it to all potential feeling. It's not a question of closing it's discovering how much more wise you are because of it and glory in the glow of it. Take that with you as you move forward to find what else and who else is out there waiting for you.


Thank you for reading my blog, and spending some time with me... I am truly honored.