You can just tell when a night of insomnia is upon you. It's 2am an you've watched all the syndicated repeats you can possibly stand, and still sleep doesn't come.
I get out of bed, groggy from a nightime medicine I take, but not groggy enough... just enough to stumble over to the computer to see if there are any other life forms out there at this hour.
No, there are not.
I miss 2am notes from a lover who is no longer around. Miss the constant banter back and forth, the tones of "you've got mail" over and over again.
Now the mail is silent, except for one or two old beaus who still reach out, wanting to know if we can get together. And still, I don't have it in my heart to be with anyone else. It has been three years, and I can't bring myself to consider a new acquaintence, or even an old one. Makes me wonder how long it takes for this kind of love to go away... that something that continues to hold me back, as if it were still part of my life. Talk about lack of closure.
I wait for an email that says Forgive me, I know I was wrong, I should have never stayed away so long. The email doesn't come, but still I expect it; each day I expect it.
How does one close the heart, and move on?
I learned many years ago to wear a crystal around my neck, to cover my heart center, to keep it protected. It has been a long time since employing that knowledge, and I'm thinking it may well be time to do that again. These are simple actions, and they help me to remember.
Tomorrow I will look for the right crystal to protect my heart; surely there is one around here somewhere. Perhaps I'll look now.
Here's one that has been around for quite sometime. My father used to carry it with him. Time for it to be cleaned and programmed, and prepared for me.