Tuesday, January 27, 2015

the road to recovery

Went through quite a surgery four days ago, for my breast reconstruction. It was seven hours long, and involved intense abdominal surgery, required for the muscle and fat.  Post operatively I experienced acute respiratory failure, and had to reintubated.  I developed pneumonia. I was in surgical ICU.  The following day I had the tube removed, much to my relief.  Spent saturday and sunday in the step down unit, and was considered stable enough to be discharged today, monday.  I have a considerable amount of pain, but the percocet does help some.  Got a couple of surgical drains that I have to deal with.  That's pretty gross. Lots more doctor visits ahead, and truly, I am just tired.  I pray there are no new complications, and that this is the end road in my breast cancer journey.  Except for nipples, but that is a fairly simple procedure, OR 3d tattooing process.  Another 6 or 7 months, I believe, before I get to make that decision.  Who knows, I may opt out of it altogether.  So far, there has been the bilateral masectomy with multiple lymph node discetion, port insetion, chemo  for four months,  radiation for 35 sessions, port removal, (and currently) removal of tissue expanders,  TRAM flap surgery (free flap), and hopefully that is pretty much it.  If anything, I think I'd get the tattoos, as they are very realistic, and the area is fully numb, so it's no big deal.

This has been a long road.  If not going through some type of treatment, there was always the anticipation of treatment/surgery to come.  It has been 15 months.  Once I'm recovered now, I wonder what lies ahead for me. There must be a change ahead.  Something of accomplishment, other than kicking cancer's ass.  Maybe it will be the completion of my novel, and the subsequent publishing of it.  That would surely be a kick.

We're having a blizzard tonight.  I may have stayed the hospital a day longer, but that would've ended up being days instead, with no way of getting transportation.  Was able to get an ambulette this afternoon, but tonight there's a curfew for being on the road.  No public transportation either.  Hopefully people are where they should be, and hopeless make their way to shelters.

When I went to the hospital, I brought my Surface with me, which had been fully charged the day before but suddenly dropped to availability of 7 mins!  And I forgot the bring the charger with me.  Oh well.  It would've been something to do, because it was all so boring.

I was told that I wouldn't be able to stand or lie straight postoperatively, but I am able to do both.

Wish I was able to share some photos, but that just hasn't been happening.  Couldn't very well bring such expensive equipment to a relatively unsecure place.  Would've taken pics of my nurses and aides, and resident doctors, and my plastic surgeon.  Too bad, I would've liked that.

I hear the snow plows scraping along the streets.

Monday, January 12, 2015


In less than 2 weeks I am scheduled for my TRAM flap operation.  A 7 hour long process, and quite an involved procedure where the muscle fat etc of the abdominal muscles are used to create breasts.  That is just stating it simply... it is an intense and complicated surgery.  I will wake with pain controlled by morphine, I assume.  Just wanna wake up, that's all... 7 hours is a long time to be under.  I'm nervous about the whole thing.  It scares me, but I want to have it done.  The recovery is hell for a good two weeks, and then tapers off some when I can finally lay straight and stand straight.  I'm hoping the drains (at least 4) won't have to stay in for too many weeks.
I've yet to get clearance from my pcp, and have to hustle to do that this week, I didn't know.  She hasn't seen me in well over a year, and won't be too happy about that.  Pre admission testing next week.  So between the pcp and PAT, that'll be a lot of blood taken.    All this happening in too short a time for my liking.  I could back up and postpone, but I so want to be done with this whole friggin thing.  
This is going to be the worse of it, I know.  A lot to endure for the sake of breasts, but there is something deep inside that wants breasts again, or at least the allusion of them (illusion?  whatever).  It's something I don't think I need to explain.
Tired of thinking about it, but being right around the corner, which it is, it's hard not to.
No pictures this year so far, and something tells me it'll be a while before there are any at all.  I actually shot off two frames of the top of my head, with my silly hair growth on the 1st, just to have pushed that shutter... but odd thing... it registered as if taken on the 2nd.  Don't quite understand why, and hey  I'm rambling like crazy here.
Listening to Buffalo Springfield , For What It's Worth, on Pandora radio.  "Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep.."

Mixed bag on Pandora, but mostly stuff I dig.  You pick the artists you want, and they add similar artists.  Good stuff.

Going on 2am.  Wish I had a sedative to take, but have none.

Aah, Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.  Thank you, Pandora radio.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Welcome, 2015!

It's a new year!  I wish all of you good health, prosperity, love and joy.  I found this pic/saying online, and liked the sound of it.

Oh well, it won't upload for some reason.  It said: 2015  This is the year I will be stronger, braver, kinder, and unstoppable.  This year I will be FIERCE.