expect the unexpected

I've missed the past couple of Wishcasting Wednesdays, so today I'm going to get back into it. Today's question: "What do you wish to invite in?"

This is a difficult one for me. The first thing I thought of was "love", and the second thing, "visitors". Now, except for one dear friend, and an occasional family member, I don't have visitors! And they are not something I foster, either. I am quite the loner. Making "visitors" a wish is very big for me. (Maybe I could narrow it down to visitors to my blog! hehe)
I wish to invite in love, as well. From family and friends, and from "someone special" (like we used to write in high school yearbooks). The love from someone special scares the hell out of me, but I'll take the chance if it comes along again.

So there are my answers to what I wish to invite in. Both answers step far outside my comfort zone, and I am all to aware of the adage, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." But I take the chance of putting out there to the universe.... and I hope I am able to meet the challenge.

insomnia, love, and crystals

You can just tell when a night of insomnia is upon you. It's 2am an you've watched all the syndicated repeats you can possibly stand, and still sleep doesn't come.

I get out of bed, groggy from a nightime medicine I take, but not groggy enough... just enough to stumble over to the computer to see if there are any other life forms out there at this hour.
No, there are not.

I miss 2am notes from a lover who is no longer around. Miss the constant banter back and forth, the tones of "you've got mail" over and over again.
Now the mail is silent, except for one or two old beaus who still reach out, wanting to know if we can get together. And still, I don't have it in my heart to be with anyone else. It has been three years, and I can't bring myself to consider a new acquaintence, or even an old one. Makes me wonder how long it takes for this kind of love to go away... that something that continues to hold me back, as if it were still part of my life. Talk about lack of closure.
I wait for an email that says Forgive me, I know I was wrong, I should have never stayed away so long. The email doesn't come, but still I expect it; each day I expect it.

How does one close the heart, and move on?

I learned many years ago to wear a crystal around my neck, to cover my heart center, to keep it protected. It has been a long time since employing that knowledge, and I'm thinking it may well be time to do that again. These are simple actions, and they help me to remember.

Tomorrow I will look for the right crystal to protect my heart; surely there is one around here somewhere. Perhaps I'll look now.

Here's one that has been around for quite sometime. My father used to carry it with him. Time for it to be cleaned and programmed, and prepared for me.

one thousand days

I learned, from a native american elder, that when you make love with someone, they stay in your heart for a thousand days. That's a long time, and over the years I have come to believe it's true. Well, it has been a thousand days since my last great love, and in honor of that I've written a poem and done some journal pages to commemorate this poignant moment.
This is old news to me now, but it has followed my heart for many days, indeed years.

The "Creative Every Day" theme for this month is "Dreams" (last month's theme was "Words" and I've mixed them up together)... and so, I start with an old dream that is long gone.

Here is the poem, followed by the pages (which contain the poem as well, but it's hard to see/read. This is for two people (myself and my once other half-side) that have faded away into a memory.





One Thousand Days

It is one thousand days since I last held you inside
my heart is releasing you now
thousands of new tapestries are being sewn
just for this one moment

I have gathered you in bits and pieces
emails and envelopes tucked with boarding passes
ice cream sticks and Euros
our faces and
the hero dogs

I will glue colored pages with these images and words
and give them their small space in the book you gave me

write our story you said

A few pages of time will have to do
Tomorrow holds other stories

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(click pictues to see larger view)

change in the weather

It has been a strange couple of days... a feeling in the air; the density rising and falling, freezing and thawing. The sky says snow, but not just yet... a cluster of rain storms, even thunderstorms expected throughout the day tomorrow.

Yesterday was the 17th anniversary of my father's death. Anniversary is a silly word for a death day. 28 years since John Lennon's death on the same day. A day that has been remembered for a long time.

It's a melancholy time.

I eat pastina, and contemplate my life.

I think about times of my life. The good moments stand out like gems; hard like diamonds that can sustain their shape and clarity throughout the ages. Dark times sink into the earth, and are recomposed into something less ominous.

In my life I have had two great loves, separated by time and distances of thousands of miles and many years. Estranged now, from both of them, I reflect upon what the Brujo said to me....
Que hicieron con sus manos es deshacerse de sus pies ... What you put together with your hands you take apart with your feet. It was about me leaving... gathering things and people into my life, and eventually leaving... sometimes emotionally, and oftimes physically. Sometimes, I have just stood still, and pushed.

But, you see, I wasn't always like that. I'm not like that today. The day after tomorrow is a whole 'nother story. ;-)

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Today I made translucent chrysanthemum canes, and covered a tin with them. It looks nice, just needs sanding, buffing, and a glaze.

I came across several items I want to use for my another art doll. An old turtle shell, a small moth shaped card, from my friend, Two Crows, when we were still connected, crystals, for sure...which will probably replace arms/legs These things are precious to me, but sometimes another life calls. Perhaps they will become part of an art doll that someone else will treasure for its parts, and as a whole. I need some representation of fire, because I believe it is an Elements doll, overall.

This doll must stand on her own.. that is a thread I'd like to work with. It is figurative, of course, but it is quite literal, too... I want to construct if so it stands without need of support.