Thursday, January 22, 2009

down day

I can't sleep. Anyone else out there who can't sleep?
I took 3 sedatives... count 'em, 3! The most that could do was put me out for 3 or 4 hours. Not exactly a night's sleep.
I wake with dreams rolling around in my head, but only flashes of this and that. Nothing that I can pin down. Sometimes while doing something with my hands (often during handwashing, or making something) I get those dream images that flash just fast enough so that you can see them, but not slow enough so that you can catch them.

The cats see me up, and must think it's time for breakfast, but it's not. They walk into the kitchen and munch on a little left over hard food, knowing that the soft canned food will have to come later.

It's nearly quiet outside, but not totally. There's always a car or two, or a truck or bus passing by at every hour. Already the traffic is starting to build out there. The early birds going to work, I guess. Or the night shifters coming home.

It's cold outside, but the heat in the house is way too warm. I have no say over whether the heat is on or off. Not my call. I need to keep the windows open to get some air.

Yesterday was full of disappointments at every turn. Got news that I wasn't getting an apartment which would've saved me an awful lot of money every month. Then I heard that I shouldn't have expectations of getting the grant for the camera, which I've been waiting for. This is second time I got a "for sure" followed by a "don't get your hopes up too high". Well, of course I get my hopes up high, but for now, I'll have to put it in the "expect nothing" category.
Besides that, I have had a few household accidents, just to put the cherry on top, I guess.
And oh yea, someone returned one of my necklaces to the boutique (after wearing it a month), because she feels that the magnetic clasp may not be secure enough, and she wants a different fixing on it. Gimme a break!

So, all of this is draining any creative energies I thought might be stirring. I just want to go to bed.

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