a good day

Spent the afternoon over at my niece, Melissa's place, along with my sister.  We sat in the yard, which was so pleasant, with a tree to shade us.  Logan amazed me with his wit and wonder.  He is fussy when it comes to dirt, like his mother.  He tripped on the ground and got dirt on his hands... "oh oh" he said, and proceeded to wipe it off as much as he could.  Surprised he didn't ask for a napkin as he usually does.  He is 3 and a  half now, and just blows me away.  When I tell him I need a hug and a kiss, he'll comply and kiss me, then put his arms around me as much as he can.  I'll say "I love you."  and he'll reply, "I love you, too."  He just makes me feel so good inside.

Here's a couple of pics from today.. Logan wanted me to take a picture of his Ironman, so I complied.

Logan and Melissa

Ironman

Tree and Logan

my mom

I don't write about my mom very much, but having been with her the day before yesterday, and today, she is on my mind.

She walked with a slight limp (from a childhood injury which left her with half a knee, and one leg shorter than the other), oh so long ago.  Those were the good days for her body.  At 42, Multiple Sclerosis (MS) took hold, and slowly her lower body deteriorated. Two breaks of her tibia in later years topped off the deterioration, and a broken ankle from falling out of her chair on the street one day (she now wears a seatbelt all the time), really got the best of her.

Today, in a wheelchair, unable to stand or move her legs very much, she must depend on aides and daughters to help her out of bed getting dressed, getting on the tub seat (but bathing herself w/o assistance),  and other things, but not much along the day. She picks up around the house, and keeps a tidy place.

Independent since a teenager, she takes her motorized wheelchair everywhere.  It's her legs, she says.  On the buses, or access-a-ride, she comes to my neighborhood, or other places, all by herself.  She'll be 86 soon, and she is bright and alive, and always says "I love life."  But she is scared.  Scared that she is getting too weak to just depend on aides, and might need to go into a home.  I don't see this happening yet.  She still gets by well with the aides.  A home would depress the hell out of her.  She lives in a senior citizen independent housing run by Catholic Charities.  Has a one bedroom apt., and is happy there.  It's where she lived with my father, who is gone 21  years this year.
I think my mom will live a long time, she has longevity in her family.  I think one of her aunts lived into 100's.  She tells me not to die before her, and urges me to stop smoking.  I don't listen.
My mother is an amazing woman, who I pray does not lose any more strength in her body.  She is a good friend who knows me very well.  She can always tell, even over the phone, if something is wrong.  My face gives it away to her as well.
We used to go to Atlantic City a lot together, but that was back when she used a standard wheelchair (which she refuses to use now, because it's uncomfortable for her, can't blame her) .  The motorized one cannot be put in a car, plus I'm not sure I could transfer her to a car seat at this point, being she can no longer bear any weight on her legs.  But we had several good overnight stays in AC.  Gambling at the slots a lot, and strolling/wheeling on the boardwalk, feeding the seagulls, buying salt water taffy.  I wish we could go back.

So, I just felt like writing a little about my mom, an amazing woman who loves life, and often laughs at her situation, because, as she says "What am I gonna cry?"  God bless her.
Here we are at AC some years ago.

gone with the wind

As you may or may not have noticed, our free writes and free draw have gone with the wind.  We were 50 short on them, to make 365, and we just ran out of steam and ideas. This is right around the time we should have finished. We almost made it, and I'm sorry that we didn't.  Maybe we will start a new 365 project in the future.
Also, my camera went on the fritz again... the memory card slot being damaged.  But lo and behold I got it working again, despite the damage.  It's  a crap shoot how long it will last... it just stops working, saying the memory card is damaged, but it's not the card, it's the slot.  Unfortunately, I haven't been anywhere to take pictures.

Memorial Day weekend here.... so, here's to all the many many soldiers who died in the name of freedom.  May we remember them in our hearts.  Wear a poppy if you can.

On a lighter note, I'll probably be going to my nieces barbeque on monday.  Sure to be lots of good eats, and maybe an exotic drink or two... she always seems to whip up something fun.  Hope the camera holds out for the day.

last night's sunset

There aren't many good sunsets over the winter and much of the Spring, so its been a while since posting any.  When I took this one last night, I noticed my hands are shaking more than usual.  This does not thrill me.  Set at 1/60th of a second, as you can see I wasn't able to hold the camera steady, though I tried every trick to do so.  Bums me out.

Welcome May and my birthday

In a few more minutes my May 6th 2013 birthday will be over.  It was mostly a quiet day, though I got phone calls from my family, and birthday wishes online, and a yummy cake from my friend, Evie, which we ate too much of.  Melissa made a video of Logan singing me Happy Birthday, and that was the most precious gift I could get.  At the end, he whispers "I love you."  And the look in his eyes makes my heart melt.

So, I am 59 now.  It boggles my brain.  I just don't remember getting to this age.  The time went so quickly, and now I am at the end of my fifties.  Geesh.

Welcome to May.  I hope it continues to be a cool month, as it has been of late.  It's our last chance for really decent weather before the summer descends.

insomnia

Cigarette smoke in the light of the moon

The bed creaks as I turn and
ancient bedsprings stab my back

I wake to yet another night
too late to play with others

The clock pushes four a.m.
The trains still run a schedule

There are only two cigarettes
left in the pack