Thursday, November 17, 2016

nothing good

Went to the cancer center the day before yesterday, and had a very hard time of it.  Legs and feet are so swollen I couldn't fit in my shoes.  Can barely walk, and used a wheelchair once I got to the center.  Was supposed to get a new pain control regime prescribed for me, but the woman (dr?) I met with had no authority to  order methadone, which, in conjunction with the oxycodone, helped me when I was in the hospital.  How ridiculous that I can't get something that helped me.  So sick of everything now.  I'm at the end of my rope, and rapidly losing hope.  Not feeling so "brave" anymore.  What is there to be brave about anyway.
Had major trouble getting in the car because I can't lift my legs very well.  Won't be able to go to Melissa's for Thanksgiving, since there's a long stairway to her apartment.


  1. The odd thing about strength and courage Barb is that we never really how much we have until we are looking back at it. This whole "punish all for the misdeeds of the few" attitude raging through American medicine rat this moment sucks and I can't see it getting any better.

    If I couldn't get the pain meds I use (I can get them but don't take 'em because of the pee tests.) and I were in your shoes I would certainly be doing a lot of baking, brownies, cookies, teas, whatever. It's not like they are going to harm you or the authorities come after you. They don't want the expense of your care.

  2. Barb - you have a right to adequate pain meds - call the social worker at the hospital and ask for his or her help - this is crazy!!! Stay brave - you really are.

  3. this pisses me off that that doctor didn't help you get to the 'authority' who could and would write the script. not so easy to do, but saying "i need to talk to your manager' sometimes finds the right ear.

    i hope there is relief, barb. in my deepest heart, i hope the swelling goes down and the pain lessens.


  4. barb, i've been wondering how you are and i want you to know i'm thinking of you. i so hope the year ahead is better. you deserve to be comfortable.
    love always


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