short update

A little update on me.

I finished my 8 courses of chemotherapy this past monday, the 24th.  These are my down days following the infusion.  But when these aches/pains/fatigue pass this time, there is no having to go back and do it again.  I'll start feeling more myself, hopefully.
I've been holed up inside for the most part over the months. Feeling weak to walk. Cold weather.  Snow.  More snow expected in a couple of days, and it will be March.  Coming in like a lion, it seems.
In less than 3 weeks I start radiation.  5 days a week for 7 weeks.  The process itself is short, maybe 10-15 minutes, but oye, everyday.
I am worried about my extensive lymph node involvement ... 17 positive out of 22 removed is not such good odds, and is what bumped me to Stage 3 cancer.  I just hope the chemo/radiation kills the damn shit off.
By my 60th birthday, in May, I want to celebrate being cancer-free.  Get the Jack Daniels, and roll another one.

Haven't been out (or in) with the camera, so nothing of mine to show.  But here's a pic that Mel took of Logan on "picture day" for this pre-K class.

dirt

“Don't use the phone. People are never ready to answer it. Use poetry.” 
― Jack Kerouac


Where would Jack Kerouac say to start?  Well, wherever you are, baby, don'tchaknow.  Here in a friend's house, walls adorned with paintings paintings and more paintings.  Must be an artist, that's where she starts.  Me, the "writer", locked out of words for long stretches of time, but only because I don't do it, it's there to do.  Jack would say look at the dirt here on the road.  Get a feel.
I got a feel so deep it's etched in my bones.  Know where I am.  Need new dirt.

This blog has to do with dirt.  That's why the address is Road Side Gems, even though the name of the blog is Reading the Sky... roadsidegems...that's the dirt and rocks alongside the road, always different yet the same, wherever you travel.  Always touched by the same moon.  Did you ever gather up dirt from a special place to bring home with you?  I've done things like this.... just little bits, put in some bottles or containers.  Dirt from inside the medicine wheel back when Sun Bear was alive, and Grey Antelope, too.  Rocks from the roadside in Durango, Colorado, where everything looked like turquoise.
Then there have been people who've brought back dirt from places like Machu Picchu, or the Grand Canyon.  I believe that was my old friends, Alan and Laurel.  Long lost now.  But I have the dirt.


“My witness is the empty sky.” 
― Jack Kerouac

catch up

Why do I find it infuriating when people can't spell certain words?  When they use "loose" when they mean "lose".... grrrr..... Your pants are loose.... You lose a job.  Advise when they mean advice.   And oh the run on sentences I see on facebook.  My insides churn, knowing these are mothers writing on the same FB their kids use, and there is NO example being set.  Sometimes I see periods in the MIDDLE of a sentence, making no literal sense whatsoever, and I've seen this happen more than twice with two different posters.

These are the things that start irritating you when you've been holed up in the house for too long.  Mostly down due to pain, which lasts from wednesday to sunday, it seems, after getting chemo/wbc injection on monday and tuesday.  Then I have a free week with no chemo.  It's late monday now, and I felt ok most of the day.  Up late now, just can't sleep, but at least it's not due to pain.

It snowed several inches, but I haven't been out to see it.  I need to get some air soon, feel like I am suffocating.

Haven't seen family since Christmas, so I am missing them.   Here's a pic of me and mom taken on Christmas day, when she was still in the nursing home.  She's out now, has 24 hour care, and daily dressing changes on the bedsores.  A hard situation for her to be in, but at least, thank God, she is home.

some winter trees

migrating geese

My niece, Melissa, turned 40 on the first on the month.  This blows me away, and seems impossible.  Reminds me that I am inching towards 60 this year, and that's just outta line!

She is a beautiful healthy 40.... the new thirty, don't you know.