ramblings

In less than 2 weeks I am scheduled for my TRAM flap operation.  A 7 hour long process, and quite an involved procedure where the muscle fat etc of the abdominal muscles are used to create breasts.  That is just stating it simply... it is an intense and complicated surgery.  I will wake with pain controlled by morphine, I assume.  Just wanna wake up, that's all... 7 hours is a long time to be under.  I'm nervous about the whole thing.  It scares me, but I want to have it done.  The recovery is hell for a good two weeks, and then tapers off some when I can finally lay straight and stand straight.  I'm hoping the drains (at least 4) won't have to stay in for too many weeks.
I've yet to get clearance from my pcp, and have to hustle to do that this week, I didn't know.  She hasn't seen me in well over a year, and won't be too happy about that.  Pre admission testing next week.  So between the pcp and PAT, that'll be a lot of blood taken.    All this happening in too short a time for my liking.  I could back up and postpone, but I so want to be done with this whole friggin thing.  
This is going to be the worse of it, I know.  A lot to endure for the sake of breasts, but there is something deep inside that wants breasts again, or at least the allusion of them (illusion?  whatever).  It's something I don't think I need to explain.
Tired of thinking about it, but being right around the corner, which it is, it's hard not to.
No pictures this year so far, and something tells me it'll be a while before there are any at all.  I actually shot off two frames of the top of my head, with my silly hair growth on the 1st, just to have pushed that shutter... but odd thing... it registered as if taken on the 2nd.  Don't quite understand why, and hey  I'm rambling like crazy here.
Listening to Buffalo Springfield , For What It's Worth, on Pandora radio.  "Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep.."

Mixed bag on Pandora, but mostly stuff I dig.  You pick the artists you want, and they add similar artists.  Good stuff.

Going on 2am.  Wish I had a sedative to take, but have none.

Aah, Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.  Thank you, Pandora radio.