the days of May

When May comes, so does my birthday (on the 6th), and that is always an issue to be dealt with to some degree. Then comes my father's birthday on the 16th, and the reminder of his smile, and how he added a whole new feeling to a room when he walked in, and how much I will always miss him. The day after that I am reminded of the trip I made to Finland six years ago, in search of love. And though I have come to terms with it, it looms large in my collection of life's events.


The problem with my birthday is that I often get depressed when it's coming... it usually starts about two weeks before, but this year I don't feel so down. I don't want to get depressed about it. It's silly. It's not because I'm getting older, because I had these feelings when I was in my twenties and thirties, even. Perhaps I have felt that too many years pass by without consequence, but I'd rather look ahead than cry over spilled milk.

So, I am not so much feeling the depressing feeling this year, and I remember last year I wasn't too close to it either (if I remember right). In looking back in my blog, it didn't seem like any depression was going on, but of course I could've been closed mouth about it. Maybe I am outgrowing it; afterall, I'm going to be 58 years old. Oh, Lord, how did that happen. Ha.

I will just take each day as it comes, and try to live in it fully.